


Third Floor: Men's Wear, Shoes, Rivals' Heart-to-Heart

by TabbieWolf



Category: Lupin III
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Gen, Heart-to-Heart, Lupin is very rarely uncomfortable, Shipping If You Squint, Slice of Life, So I needed a reason for him to be, Trapped In Elevator, Zenigata is a good man, rated mature only for Lupin's constant erection, there's no sex here, vaguely omo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:34:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28656558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TabbieWolf/pseuds/TabbieWolf
Summary: Lupin III and Inspector Zenigata, trapped in an elevator.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	Third Floor: Men's Wear, Shoes, Rivals' Heart-to-Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is VERY VAGUELY OMORASHI, because Lupin has to pee almost the entire time. If that bugs you, don't read, but there's no sexiness in it, just...sometimes he just gets so occupied working on a job he forgets.

The erection pressed against his slacks. It had been there awhile now, biding its time, as Lupin the Third attempted to continue through his day and ignore it. Random erections weren’t atypical, and usually he could find a private place to take care of it, but he was in the middle of planning a job and taking a moment to relieve himself wasn’t in the cards.

Though, outside of the erection, he had to do that, too. A bathroom would be a delight, right now. He eyed the narrow hall full of filing cabinets he was tucked in, remembering the layout of the building, trying to figure out the easiest path to find a restroom or even just a utility closet with a sink. Quick wank, piss, and he could get his mind back on the job.

He pushed his glasses up his nose — amazing how few people even gave him a second glance minus his bright jacket and with a pair of thick black specs and an ID badge hung on a lanyard around his neck — and walked into the hallway, passing offices and conference rooms, trying to not make it obvious he was rubbing his legs together to both hide an erection and because he was realizing as he walked he _very much_ needed to pee. He saw a sign for the bathroom, rushed towards it...and paused, staring at the Do Not Enter warning on the men’s room.

“Ah, out of order again,” a voice came from his left. He glanced up and the tall form of Inspector Koichi Zenigata was looking at the sign as well. Lupin blanched, remembering why he’d been hidden away in the filing corridors so long and cursing nature’s call.

“There’s another restroom just upstairs!” Zenigata said, his voice huge but friendly. He had no idea who Lupin was, and probably assumed he was an intern of some sort. “Would you like me to show you where it is, young man? We can take the elevator, that’ll be quickest.”

Lupin cleared his throat, nodded, and tried to make it look like he wasn’t crossing his legs. “Thanks, P—uh, _sir._ ”

The two men walked to the elevator, which was letting out. Zenigata laughed, “Just in time!” and politely gestured to Lupin, putting his hand in front of the doorjamb. The doors closed behind them, and the thief and the inspector casually stood next to each other in the enclosed space. There was a thump, a loud creaking noise, and the elevator stopped.

“Uhh.” Lupin said, eyeing the floor numbers.

“This elevator’s always been a pain!” Zenigata assured. “I’m sure it’ll be right as rain in a minute.”

Lupin crossed his ankles and bit his lip.

“So, you new here? I haven’t seen you around!” Zenigata asked.

“Uhh, yeah, I’m a...uh...intern.” Lupin lied, pondering his earlier thought. “Doing some research for school.”

“I remember those days!” the inspector smiled. The elevator still hadn’t moved, so he pressed the button for their floor again. Nothing happened. “I’m sure it’ll just be another minute.”

Lupin breathed deep. He’d be fine. He definitely was not standing in a broken elevator with an erection, a full bladder, and his arch rival less than two feet from him, in what barely qualified as a disguise.

“So what’re you studying?” Zenigata continued his inquiry. Lupin couldn’t tell if he was simply unobservant or if the thief was hiding his current issues extremely well. Both were possible.

“Uh, international...thievery...” _Shit._

“Oh!” Zenigata said, perking up. “You probably know the case I’m working on, then! You’ve heard of Lupin the Third?”

_He’s about to piss on your shoes, yeah._ the thief thought, still trying to stand up straight. “Oh, yes! So you’re—“

“Inspector Koichi Zenigata, pleasure to meet you!” Zenigata grinned, holding out a hand. “What was your name?”

“Uh, Wolf. Er, Daisuke Wolf.” He shook the inspector’s hand quickly before pulling his own back. Usually this kind of situation would excite him — not that he wasn’t already — because he was literally right under his rival’s nose and the man had absolutely no clue, but Lupin was honestly considering unbuckling his belt to get a little pressure off his bladder at this point.

“Interesting name!” Zenigata laughed. “One member of Lupin’s gang is named Daisuke. It’s a shame. That man would have been a great cop, if he hadn’t gotten hooked into the wrong side of the law.”

Lupin nearly choked on his tongue at that comment, completely unable to picture his partner ever _ever_ working for the police, who he visibly prickled even talking about. He could almost feel the glare at the suggestion, and Lupin hid a smirk, then realized laughing was a terrible idea and grabbed at his crotch.

“You okay?” The concern was obvious.

“I _really_ need to pi—use the restroom.” Lupin’s voice cracked, his put-on deeper tone lilting up, and he hoped he could play it off as being a nervous college kid and not that he was disguising his true voice. He was currently running through whether he could just climb through the roof of the elevator and piss off the top, or if Pops would mind terribly if he just used a corner. Not like he hadn’t seen him do this before, after all.

Might blow his cover, though, because he _had_ seen it before.

“Oh!” Zenigata’s face went red.

“Yeah, I...shouldn’t have waited.” Lupin scratched the back of his neck with his free hand, being honest for the first time this conversation. “You mind if I—“ He gestured towards the emergency call button.

“Go ahead, go ahead.” Zenigata opened his hands, looking away. Lupin pressed the button. A voice crackled over the speaker.

“We’re working on it!”

“Sir, we have a bit of an urgent matter—“ Zenigata spoke up, eyeing the younger man, who was fiddling with his belt.

“So does everybody, buddy.” the voice on the other end sounded exhausted. “We’ll get someone there as soon as we can, shouldn’t be long. Hold tight.”

“Trust me, I am.” Lupin groaned, leaning his back against the wall of the elevator, looking at the ceiling. “Sorry, P—sir. I gotta do this.” He wrapped a hand around his dick through the front of his pants, giving himself a couple reassuring strokes before fully crossing his legs. Zenigata politely directed his eyes elsewhere.

“So. Uh. Been interning long?” the inspector asked.

“Couple days.” Lupin twitched an eyebrow. “Have a big project coming up, wanted to do the proper research.”

“Surprised you can’t do it all online.” Zenigata said, still meaningfully gazing at the door of the elevator.

“Some older detectives just don’t digitize their cases.” Lupin responded, trying not to wiggle, passively amused at how easy it was to not have to lie about what he was doing there, as well as get a little dig in. “These were a long time ago, though. Might not be important enough.”

“Every case is important.” Zenigata said sternly, finally turning an eye to the uncomfortable thief-playing-intern. “I have someone helping me get some of my old case files scanned these days. He can’t believe I waited...as long as I did, but it’s so rare to have the time.”

“Lot of time out of office?” Lupin asked, unable to help his curiosity, uncrossing and recrossing his legs.

“Most of the time. It’s rare I’m here.” He chuckled to himself. “I’ve seen the whole world a few dozen times over and would you believe I could barely tell you what’s out there?”

“Huh?”

“Well, outside of the walls of cheap hotel rooms.” Zenigata shuffled his feet. “I could tell you every jewel Lupin’s stolen or tried to steal, every brand of jacket he’s worn, but if you asked me what the cuisine is like in Italy or Egypt? I’d be damned if I can remember.” He sighed and shrugged. “I ate it. I’ve been there. Might’ve sent my daughter a postcard.”

“Aw, Pops.” Lupin said quietly, under his breath.

“Pardon?”

“Just muttering to myself. So why do you do what you do?”

“Excuse me?” the inspector squinted.

“Chasing after the infamous Lupin the Third. You make it sound exhausting.” The thief squeezed himself again, glad for the distracting conversation, wondering if he could just pee through the crack of the elevator door without making too much of a mess. He wasn’t going to last much longer.

“It _is_ exhausting.” Zenigata said simply. “But it’s my job. And it’s satisfying too, in its own way.”

Lupin looked at him. The inspector shrugged.

“Knowing he knows someone is out there, forever ready to set him on the path of justice. Wherever he goes, I’ll follow, to the depths of hell. And one day he won’t get away.” There wasn’t a molecule of doubt in his voice.

“Wow. You really love...your job.”

“I do.” Zenigata nodded.

The two men stood silently for a minute, before Lupin finally breathed out and straightened up.

“I’m going to make it a bit...less appealing, you’re going to have to excuse that.” The thief walked very carefully towards the door of the elevator, unbuttoning his fly, his other hand still holding himself, when there was a sudden thump and a creaking noise. Both men got pushed forward almost off their feet and the elevator doors slid open. There was a small cluster of people on the other side. Lupin stared, his hand in his boxers, before pushing through the crowd, his long strides headed towards the room marked with a little male figure.

Zenigata watched, recognizing that run, and carefully pardoned himself through the crowd. “Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for your concern. Everything is fine. Might want to not use that elevator for a bit.”

The inspector heard the relieved groaning before he even got to the urinals. He stood next to the young “intern,” unzipping his slacks, finally raising an eyebrow in the younger man’s direction when it sounded like he wasn’t replicating a firehose.

“Nice belt buckle, _Wolf_. The cursive L really stands out.”

Lupin would’ve stopped everything he was doing — _everything_ — if it had been in his power to do so. He pulled his arm off the wall, looking up at the inspector next to him.

“Uh.”

“You’ve pulled this shit on me before. But this time it looked genuine.” Zenigata bristled, closing his eyes. “And you sounded surprised, earlier. When you asked why I do what I do.”

Lupin didn’t say a word.

“So let’s call this a draw. You leave what you were planning to do with the research you got here, here. Move on to another shiny rarity in some little no-name country no one can find on a map. And we’ll pretend I didn’t just nearly watch you hose down an elevator.”

Lupin swallowed. “Seems fair.”

“And Lupin?” Zenigata eyed the thief, who was shaking himself off.

“Yeah, Pops?”

“Wash your hands.”

“Yeah, Pops. Gotcha.”


End file.
